I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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