Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
