return my video game
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
