I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
