felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
