Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
