ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
