Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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