Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
