I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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