just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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