R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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