You smell like a Billy Joel song
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
