On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
