Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
