So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
