I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
