Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
