I wish I could punch you in the face.
My liver just broke up with me...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
