Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
