I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
