Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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