Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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