The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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