HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As shirtless as possible
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
