The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
