What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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