So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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