Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
