You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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