I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
