Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
