I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You took a bar mat shot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
