we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
