I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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