Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You did what with his pubic hair?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
