I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
