now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
