There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
