goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
