Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
