Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Porn is love you can see.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
