I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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