Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
