i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
