1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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