yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The power of my boobs compel you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
