she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
