you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
