He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
