If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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