HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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