just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
