she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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