Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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