well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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