And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
