Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
