I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
