Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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