Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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