Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
