I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
