yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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