stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
