nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
