I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
