I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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