Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this will be a night to untag.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
