Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my being single is dangerous.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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