for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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