office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
