Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize