Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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